sometimes i just really REALLY hate being a girl. the past few days have been hell for me, actually the last few weeks since I've been home from Connecticut have been hell on my soul. i've never felt so alone, my friends are only there when THEY need me, i had to leave the few people who payed so much attention to me and my life in so little time and coming back to this hell of a state killed me. we even have the heat factor so me calling Florida hell fits perfectly because in reality it's not all that far from it.
I've cried so much since waking up to mother natures Lovely gift this month, it's not even June yet why you come so early Mrs nature? no but really i didn't get into hairspray so what'd i do? i cried ate the only amounts of junk food i could find in my house felt guilty and guess what cried again. then the lonely hit me again, so of course there i was sitting on the couch watching movies AND CRYING AGAIN. (that was after getting ditched i was supposed to watch a movie with my dad he went to sleep >.< )
so then i fell into an ever deeper pit of despair, i cried about my dog all i wanted was to cuddle with buddy and be happy again, then i cried over my aunt if she was here i wouldn't be crying i'd be off killing zombies and eating pizza but no i have nothing left but myself to cry over so why not pick now to over think more than usual because it's late it's quiet and i'm alone as always. cry cry CRIES the chyster. so then this brings me to today and what just happened.
after checking the mail day after day all this week i got an email stating that i didn't get my scholarship for photography classes in June so what else is one to do but sit there over thinking and well cry. i don't feel good enough anymore, photography is the only thing i have left going for me and i couldn't even nail a scholarship? so that killed me for awhile until i realised i was crying over nothing i am good enough, who knows how many other kids wanted the same scholarship as i. i'm still going to go anyway so what's the point in crying over it i still shed a tear here and there when writing this but then again i still blame mother nature and her stupid monthly visit of pain, torture, over eating over emotionalness. let's just hope i get back to normal before hitting the beach for two weeks, I'm going to be trapped with my family for two weeks GOD HELP US ALL. sure i'll be happy to not be alone for awhile but then reality will kick and i'll want to murder them all and then myself sounds like paradise right? yippieeee can't wait i'm sure you'll all get to hear about it when i get back (that's implying someone actually reads this shit) it's also implying we all get back alive.
