Would you care if we quit talking
Would you care if I went walking
I need to know how you feel
So I know how to deal
I like it when your by my side
I hate it when you try to hide
All the cheating and the lies
Brings me one step closer to saying goodbye
I know the cheating is a fact
because I've caught you in the act
I wish I had more trust in you
but it's kinda hard when I busted you
Seems to me you wouldn't care
even if I wasn't there
I always wonder who your with
hoping it's not another chick
I'm not saying I don't believe you
it's just too many people have told me to leave you
But you are everything to me
which is why I want you me to always be
Don't you see? love isn't three, or five or ten. it's two
this everyone knows is true.
Why would you hurt me so
making me feel lower than low.
we both know i should pack up and go
But i can't i'll cut you the slack
and stay, but keep my distance
believe in the resistance
hope and pray that you'll stay
too, and won't someday leave
and that you'll start to wear your heart on your sleeve.
is everything you say now make believe?
am i here because you don't want to be alone.
is there more to be shown.
more unsaid hidden parts to the story
unread pages, should i close the book
or flip through and take another look?
you still have my heart, in which you took.
Believing you may be a mistake
but it's a risk I'm willing to take, 
a mistake i'm willing to make.
if i end up worse, i'll know our love was a curse
probably leading in one of us in a hearse.
we're toxic baby don't you see. But i want nothing more than this to be.
forever, however long that proves to be.
forever you and me.
only time will tell, all the fights, as we scream and yell.
bloody hell. This love has us both locked in a cell.
screaming for a chance, one last go, one last dance.
be my prince? Prove to me that it's worth it. Prove to me you can be trusted, and loved.
we'll see what happens in the end, i hope and pray that this fairy tale turned nightmare isn't all pretend. 

Panda's and penguins are both black and white,  They both start with P.
Doesn't mean that's enough to say they're "meant to be"
 One belongs in the icy sea, And one belongs being lazy in a tree.

Torn between love and hate, Is this what you'd call fate!?
I fear when he tries again, It will be a little too late. I need To begin to start again, there will always be other men. BUT WAIT. My hearts still locked up in a crate. I have to break out, inside i scream and shout. I know they're right, he doesn't even put up a fight. Why am i still thinking so late at night? It leads to nothing but pain, and sorrow. Leaving me to sleep the day away tomorrow.

Am i ever to trust again, or should i drop it now and leave him with his sin. He was wrong, and i was right. but is trying again even worth the fight. Will our love ever be able to take flight? After breaking me so badly, oh so sadly. It's tragic, and he needs magic. To pick up the pieces, and to make me whole. To fix what he broke, and to reap what he sows. Oh god i hope my pain shows. He needs to know, How hurt i am, and how he's to blame. So he never puts my name to shame. For sticking by him until the end. I'm on the mend, but all of what i've done so far is still just pretend.

 I'm no better at all, i'm still waiting to be pushed back down, waiting for that fall. But mostly i just sit here waiting for his call, the one i'll never get. I should just forgive and forget. But that would give me even more regret. He's worse than i would've ever thought, all the pain that they had brought. It was pored into me. don't you see? I can save him, But he can't save me.

I taste the future . 
where forgetting is a crime
but remembrance a sin
waiting for the sadness to begin again. 
but when. 

This up and down, does nothing but make me frown. 
You've become my clown. I hate you, and you scare me,
but you make me laugh, you make me cry. YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DIE. 

as i sit here and sigh, will i ever be able to look you in the eye again? 

was everything you said to me just a lie until the end. 
was it all pretend. You never really loved me, i was a possession, another heart added to you're collection, i need you and your protection, i can't stand this new rejection. 

you warned me, but i was to blind to see, why can't we just set each other free? my love for you has no comparison to yours for thee, as does your love compared to thee to me. You're so fucked in the head, i honestly think we'd both be better of dead. Yes me too, you've left my life without anything, nothing to see but blue. 
 Left to think if what you're saying now is even true.

you were my life my new dream, and you left my life falling apart at the seams.  

should i say goodbye? or should i stick by your side and try. Love should give me butterflies not tears, i should be filled with utter happiness not fears.  She was around for years, and i for only months. But that doesn't justify what you hid, what you DID.  are you satisfied. because my love and hope has died. And only you can save me, can't you see? All that's left is you and me.  

If the truth set's you free then why am i still chained.

I got the means i needed to leave, But i can't. Love is a funny thing isn't it? The fact that you want to hate someone with every fiber of your being but yet you can't and don't. Instead you love them with every thing that's left of you. And believe me there aint much left at all. You were already full of doubt and distrust even before he walked no RAN into your life. You were full of insecurities you felt like no one could ever love you and then someone did.
Everything went up and down hill from there.
But the goods stopped outweighing the bad.
the hurts started taking over. He's here down on his knees begging for you. It's what you've always wanted. But is it to little to late. Is all he has to offer right now going to keep you satisfied until he has the means to do better... Or will the past just re cycle and continue to repeat itself.  
It can go so many ways, and i know it won't go any of the ways i plan it to. He's standing before me because she won't let him stand in front of her. He's here, because she's not. I wasn't crazy. He lied and cheated and was a despicable human being who deserves nothing more than to live a long life alone.  But i want him... and i can have him still... if i want.... But i no longer know what the fuck i want. Honestly doubt i ever will. I spent weeks waiting for him and wishing he'd be back before my birthday. Well it happened. i got what i wanted afterall. But it wasn't wanted like this. NOT AT ALL.


as if i wasn't already a confused second choice. i know what you're all thinking. Even i think it. But you don't understand. You never will. Nobody ever will. Even i won't.

you know that feeling
when you’re lonely
but not alone?

you aren’t exactly sad
but you’re not happy 
either

you miss someone but you’re
kind of glad they aren’t 
around because you need some
space

your body hurts but at the
same time the aching feels
good?

your heart is torn wide
open and you’d rather let it
bleed than allow anyone
to sow it shut?

the stitches will never last
they'll be ripped out from you one by one while the person who sowed them walks away
leaving you there on your own again
nobody can save you
this we all know is true
you're doomed 
stuck here hardly leaving the room 
replaying memories that fill your head with gloom 
there's nothing left of you 
'why even try 
he left you but not high and dry. 
he left you with nothing but your tears 
forced to face all of your fears 
Alone. 

It's been weeks now... Still nothing. No sign of hope left.

I've never been this far gone NEVER. And i honestly don't know what to do with myself or life anymore. I can't fake happiness, or smiles, or help people like i used to. Hell i can barely even keep a conversation going half the time. I've lost it, i've lost myself. I feel gone completely gone.  And the only way to find myself is through him. I need answers, to so many thoughts and questions that are left on loop running through my head. I need him. I need to know he's ok and to have hope that he'll come back and give me hope again. Or at least give me what i need to pack up and move on. Because that seems impossible. Everything and i do mean pretty much EVERYTHING reminds me of him. Sure he was never the best, he put me through hell and did some things and said some things no boyfriend should. Things worth leaving him for but i never could.  And never did. Even when i had that one last chance to leave him i couldn't do it. I don't know if he even cares about me anymore that's if ever even did. I can't help but wonder if he's thinking of me too? If he remembers my address or number or last name.... If he'll ever try to find me when he can. That's if he's even gone.... I bet they're right and he's probably sitting at home on his bed doing nothing. Not caring, not trying to even contact me. I wonder if he contacted the other chicks he "talked" to? or his friends? have any of them heard from him either? Or His parents? do they know.... how he is.. where he is... why just why wouldn't they fucking put me out of this misery and take the few minutes to fill me in? Jesus was i nothing to your family? did he really mean that little to you that you wouldn't even give me the good thing in his life information about what's going on? i'm completely in the dark and i hate the unkown more than anything.

 I keep having these dreams about him. Much like the ones i used to have that came true in the end. And there's so many variations of them i can't help but wonder which ones could be like the last. I just want to know damn it. I want to know that he was lying and cheating if he was. I want to know where he is and for how long if he's gone. But more than anything i want him to be home so i can hear from him again. Or even better SEE him again. not years or months from now BUT NOW. The time is now. And i need to know. I need to fucking know. My mom said she'd call because i definitely don't have the guts to do so. But i haven't wanted to ask again. Ok well i've wanted to but i haven't because i also don't have said guts to ask again. I also am putting it off because as badly and as much i want to know..... i'm scared of what they'll have to say. What if they tell her nothing? what if they lie too? There's just so much un known and i can't take it. I want my baby back. And if i can't have that i at least want the time of day to tell him the fuck off so i can do what it takes to let him go. We promised, but who's to say that wasn't all just A lie?