So.... I once knew
This Australian named was matty & He was one of the best guitarists I've ever met (okay known) & had a heart of gold. And an amazing accent We used to talk to on a daily basis and almost 24/7 when doing so.
We talked so much I was on HIS schedule. And would drop everything nearly every time my kik went off because I knew it'd be him. I used to put up with His actions and choices in life solely because I believed nobody else would. And he deserved to get love in return for once. Mental or not he was human. An amazing one at that. I also understood him more than i'd like to admit. But anyways, Loving a friend on the other side of the planet wasn't easy....
By any means especially with him being such a flight risk.

He not only harmed himself but tried to kill himself on many occasions, So many that even after being re admitted to a home / hospital for the second time during our friendship after his most recent and longest disappearance.....
I thought he was dead. Legitimately and whole hardheartedly.
He had always warned me before going in, And within a few days he'd get his phone back and be allowed to talk to me again... heart emoticon But this time.... this time things were different. He never came back. No warning, No goodbye, No i'm sorry, Nothing. Not even posts or reblogs on his tumblr which i checked religiously for months....
No little D on my messages, Nothing. Just the pounding daily of my breaking heart as i'd try with no avail.
And although the thoughts of this ate me alive for a very long time i finally accepted it. I stopped checking, I stopped messaging.
I moved on and let go.
Today there was activity on his blog.... And soon there after I got that Ding of kik I've waited since mayish for....

I've never ever sighed so hard in my whole life, And you bet I burst into tears. I honestly don't foresee out friendship continuing any longer. He's still not okay / all there. And although he probably still needs me I cannot handle going through that ever again. But I never ever gave up hope on him. And i'm just so effing happy to hear he's doing okay.

I'm sorry for posting this on here.... He'd see it anywhere else and probably wouldn't feel too great about it. But I just needed to write about him and his beautiful soul. I feel like I'm about to let him down. But you can't save everyone. In fact You can't truly save anyone...... And it's about time i cared more for myself than someone / anyone else. I know now that he's okay. And it's really freeing not to worry about the unknown anymore.

I find it funny I spent my day listening to this.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKFzXhep-Vs
And apparently there was a reason. smile emoticon heart emoticon

I just Can't even right now.

I prayed and I prayed And just when I had given up hope you sent him to me.
Everything I couldn't see before became clear, My heart lights up whenever he is near.
The fear is no more, The need for control released, Happiness and  love increased.
The light shows through your eyes enough to light up my entire life.
Your heart is strong enough to restore everything I once lost.
I could've gotten what I wanted but at what cost? Losing the new for the old.
Story time and time again told. Learn to let go, Unanswered prayers give you everything you never though you't want.
Trust in God's ways, Trust in the things he does and has to say. And never ever forget to pray.

All it takes is acceptance to give up control, Gods ways are higher,
The life you wanted has no comparison to the one given. I am now so driven.

Striving to get my life back. What was once thrown off track, Was brought back to order, All because of him. All because of of you. Lord what am I to do?