so..

i caved i had a sprite with dinner and ate oreos today... and to tell you the truth they both made me sick and i can't say that i couldn't live without them for awhile.
yesterday was panda express
the day before was fair food
and now this?

but guess what i've still been loosing weight and that's amazing. YOU CAN eat what you want and still loose weight. you just have to use your self control to stop yourself when enough is enough.

i've cut out alot of foods, and i have been eating healthier than normal so i guess the good outweighs the bad. So back to today so what i gave in to myself and had some junky foods tomorrows another day and i'll live i have self control this time around no cheating myself, no feeling bad about eating what i want it's wonderful!!! Things are different this time and i'm loving it the soda i had made me sick and honestly it didn't even taste good but you know what i'm glad i drank it.. i proved to myself that i'll be okay without it but i also proved to myself that if i do feel like giving in that's okay IT'S OKAY to drink soda and eat oreos if i want to and when i want to that's what i love this time around i could easily go eat the rest of the box of oreos or go open another can of that soda but i won't because i know in the long run going without it'll be worth it THAT and it's not worth feeling like crap over. so yeah i'm going to start updating this blog alot more often than usually.. no more only coming on here to complain about a beautiful life. From now on i'm going to do my best to keep this blog happily updated with some bitching on the side when i need it.

so i've changed my views of how i see diets and myself.

I thought i was at the point in life when I was going to give up diets forever and live happily Loving food as much as I loved myself. But the moment I stepped back up on that scale all of that started to change. i looked down to realize i had not only gained all of my lost weight back but i had in fact gained it all back PLUS 20 extra pounds and too top it all off it was all in the same year...

I've been on diets for as long as i can remember and I've hated everything about myself for even longer it seems. i was finally getting to the point of ending diets for once and spending my time working on the inside of myself instead of working on just the outside all the time, But then the thought crossed my mind WHY NOT DO BOTH? so here i am learning to love myself all over again. learning to love me at the heaviest I've ever been And when I'm at my lowest weight I've been in years hopefully I'll get there someday.. To the loving myself whatever i may look or act like by then.

So this is me The real me no complaining this time just words to myself. A little something to look back on when I'm older maybe by then I'll love myself enough to laugh at this and at the person i used to be. I change, Everyone changes so why not write out those changes. I Cheyenne Genest take this as a note to say it's okay to change alot, it's okay to be 260 pounds at 16 but it's also okay to start wanting to change that I'll be as myself at 100 and something pounds as i am now nothing but the way i look at myself will change. Well that and the way other people look at me of course. Change isn't always so bad and in this case change is good VERY very good... I think. I've lost six pounds so far, I've eaten what i want too (smaller servings of course) and I've been drinking odwalla super food juice (my new crack it's amazing and healthy woo!) Sometimes it just takes that one moment of stepping on a scale to make things click. this will be my last diet because I'm going to try my best to stick with it until the end this time... and in the end it'll be a healthy life style and NOT just another diet. It'll work this time it has to work this time I can't keep doing this to myself. we'll see what happens.