I wish I wasn't so afraid to go out in the world and face all my fears with confidence. I’m so terrified of rejection…and oh so terrified of intimacy. I’m afraid that if I get into something important - like a relationship that I’ll mess everything up and end up alone again. I'm scared of falling and i'm scared of failing. it's safe to say that I've "already fallen" Because in reality i'm not longer falling i love this man and luckily he caught me.... But that doesn't stop the fears, I still feel like i'm going to get dropped. And who knows maybe he will drop me just like everyone else has but i shouldn't let that fear keep me from something that could end up to be a good thing. Sure he frustrates the crap out of me and sure i still feel like he's hiding things and i still feel like things could turn sour at any moment but gah damn it's about damn time i let go of all of those things. I need to let go of everything, i need to let go.... But i can't Why....? Okay enough about falling i talk about that enough probably too much.. I know that at some point i'll have to suck it up and get my ass back into school but i'm just so damn scared of the unknown and so damn scared of failing. failing in school, failing in life, failing at everything.. these thoughts tend to haunt me late at night when i'm on my umpteenth tv show episode or movie. they have no point, they're not helping me at all if anything they're just making everything worse. I have these expectations of life but how am i supposed to make them happen if i can't even force myself to leave my room half the time let alone Do anything important in my life. I know i'll be someone someday and i know all of these thoughts are pointless and they're doing nothing but holding me down and making things worse but damn i just can't seem to shake them... I'm lonely and need to get out more let's just start there it's something at least. one step closer to really living..