Oh Joy..

my stomach's been acting up again recently and i've come to the conclusion that i'm probably just effing NUTS. It's been months MONTHS since i've felt like this, the not eating, the pain, the want to do nothing and not eat anything.. yeah it's back. And  i honestly don't get what's wrong with me or why this keeps happening... i was so happy being able to eat again and then BAM the pains back... Go figure.

But on a lighter happier note, I took a huge leap of faith (at least to me it seemed huge) and decided to start talking to the guy  had a crush on. And i really like where things are heading with him. I've had a few issues to say the least since breaking into pieces after the last guy i had fallen for.( best guy  friend  pretty much lead me on more than once gave me false hope played games and then just dropped me like i was yesterdays un wanted news. blah blah blah) I already had a crap ton of walls put up even before all of that happened. You know  seeing how everyone ends up screwing me over and leaving me alone. And then getting crushed like that just well uh CRUSHED ME. As it would anyone.

So sue me if i've been a little crazy and over emotional about life and love and all of these things. Walls so many walls who would've thought they'd come crashing down within  a week of talking to someone. Maybe it was the emotions from my sisters wedding that lead me to jump off a cliff and start talking to someone? That sounds a bit rash but to me talking to new people literally feels like that. When you get so used to people leaving, it starts getting harder and harder to let new people into your life. But i did it, and i couldn't be happier. For the fact that i opened up and for the fact that i haven't crashed and burned yet.. so we'll see where this goes and what happens. but for now i'm happier than ever with myself for letting a new person in.