sketchy

sketchy tisk tisk he's no good, this love is too full of risk.
take the chance? or leave now and never know what i could miss?
could he be the one that i let get away, dare i even believe a word you say.
i don't agree with these mindless love games you play.
i'm still young and this is all in fun, but i just want forever, and the long run.
don't waste my time, if you're not mine. i'm not looking for some fling, i'm not even looking for the next big thing. Maybe Love really is worth the wait, but then again maybe it's all just up to fate.
i'm old fashioned and want you to see that i'm the only one you'll ever need and that's it's you and me.
you don't need her, you don't need she, don't you see you can't have it all if you want me?

why is it so damn hard to stay away from facebook...? i always end up finding things i shouldn't and it does nothing but cause more problems and hurt  that wouldn't exist if i A had self control and kept myself from checking things and B i'm on here to much anyway... But then again if "inserts name here" wasn't such a sketchy mofo i wouldn't feel i have the need to check up on things now would i? In some ways faceboook actually helps me because maybe one day i'll have enough and i'll stop myself from getting hurt any longer by getting rid of your ass. Now sure non of this makes up for me being creepy and checking different facebooks on a daily basis because i fear i'm not the only love in your life and i anit got time for your shit. don't tell me not to over think and not to be paranoid BECAUSE HOW CAN I NOT BE? it's not like you tell me things. you're just friends? that's fucking fine just tell me when you're going to see her and maybe just maybe i'll believe you the next time you "swear you're just friends" It's sad to say that i love you and that i've fallen for you because i know i'll continue to be the loving trusting person i always am and i'll continue to put up with your shit forever.... i don't know what to do anymore i keep saying i'll mention  this when i'll do this then i'll leave you.... But i never do i i i i can't because i need you. and i know you need me too but sadly this just won't last much longer if you keep this up... You can't keep pulling this shit. Because i refuse to keep putting up with it. Sure it's my fault for snooping BUT that doesn't make up for the things you've said and done...  I'm over the mind games. My hearts heavy and hurts and if this is kept up i don't know what'll happen i'll give up... I'll give up on everything......

 i'm done i'm so done with everything. i'll be here over thinking yet never doing anything like always if anybody needs me Anytime soon. but i beg of you please don't need me because i'm not very reliable right now my brain can't take anything or anyone right now so please just leave me here with myself my thoughts and my music and maybe just maybe i'll be fine in awhile. Or maybe i won't be....


why is moving on so damn hard? Why do i keep feeling like if i leave him my life will be over and i'll be done for good. I don't want to leave him... i really don't.... i just wish he'd stop with the sketchy shit. I also wish all these bitches would go die in a fire. A painful burning fire. Yeah that's mean.... really mean... But i don't care.. I need my i don't care attitude back... i miss being heartless. Yet i don't GOD I'M SO CONFUSING. i don't know what i want or how to get it when i figure it out. And i just.... My bed looks more and more comfortable each day, But it also keeps getting more empty feeling i'm lonley i need my damn life back.... I need to see my boyfriend more often and i need to get my happiness back... And i'm starting to think that'll never happen... I'm never going to be happy am i!? I'm never going to get my life back.... I'm gonna live off my parents until they give up on me too and i'm kicked out with nowhere to go and no ways or fixing or changing my life then.... I'm scared... I hate thinking about the future, i hate thinking about my life now, I hate thinking at all. I want to sleep. I want to feel dead. I'm not living i'm not alive.... I'm numb and filled with hate and sadness... This needs to change and now. And on my own.... i need to do it on my own... only i can fix me.....