depression hurts but that's Life.

Depression is humiliating. It happens to turn intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks Let alone deal with the people around them. And don't even get me started about being an empathic dealing with this. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, in my case my family members and the others around me.,your lifelong passions, and your relative good fortune. It destroys your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge glop craptasticly in saneness, that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially. Nor can you deal with they're problems or they're life wethere it's good news or bad you simply just don't want to take the time to talk to them. you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, You risk the love of your family members because your so called bad attitude seems to annoy the living hell out of them. you sleep the day away because
you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You stay up all night because the crazy atmosphere of the world around you slows down just a bit and everything quiet. Sadly this is the moments when your stuck with yourself, your mind, and your problematic life.
You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunging spiral your spinning carelessly down apon. You,
have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, this living dead girl you've become is such a pitiful sight peering out from the corners of mirrors that you try and to avoid in the dark depressing night. this seems to
exacerbate the depression and the isolation you simply just want to be left alone for days On end, left to do nothing but eat to much, sleep hours at a time and watch those romantic comedies that make you cry so much you avoid them at all costs.
If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. Actually i take this back i assure you everyone on this planet has felt like this at some point at some time in they're life. No one can be happy all the time it's simply impossible.
No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.

It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. you stop giving two shits about the fact that your sister cant sleep because of a restless baby at home. you stop caring about those you'd always ALWAYS put before yourself and your feelings. even on thew day's when you wanted to cry out for help you just left it blank and focused all your time on them instead of facing the facts and dealing with your own demons.
If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged I'd like to take a last few moments here to say that i promise you all i'm doing okay. I'm not going to run of someday and kill myself i'm not that kind of person. i don't need or want your pitty, i don't want to talk about what's going on in my life or why i am depressed because i don't have an answer for you. do you think i choose to be the way i am? Do you really think i've been a complete ass for no reason pssh if so then you ob viously don't know we very well. i'd just like to say that all i need right now is to be alone. no babies, no family, No friends, no worries just myself. i'll be okay you will be too. just know that your not alone and neither am i. were all mad here we all have problems we all have our doubt and our hopeless feelings of being alone. don't think like that because your not. I promise you that your not alone and if any of you whom have the chance of reading this need help don't worry about what i've done don't worry about what i've said i'm here for you YOU ARE NOT ALONE. and together we can grow to show the world that there is hope. that there's simply no need for suicide or bullying or hate. put down the razors but down the needles and pick up your fingers, pick up a notebook and write or type. and last but not least FIGHT to UNITE. that is all much love a very mentally exhausted chyster