it's been a week since talking to my beloved... and well i'm not doing so well without him.

To say the least. Erm i lost my "support system" i'd fall asleep to him, i'd wake up to him... he'd get me out of bed and through the day ya know? And it's nearly impossible to do these things without him. I understand i pretty much finally got my proof that he was cheating. But that doesn't make this any easier. LIKE AT ALL. i loved him, and i will always... love him.... i might move on... eventually. but regardless i know he's always going to have a place in my heart. It feels like he's dead, or well dead to me anyway. but he's not. He's rotting in a program somehwre i uh think? who the hell knows cause i sure don't. I'm still hurt and pissed his family never called and told me what exactly was going on. I never got the closure i needed and well it's holding me down and back. I never got to say goodbye or tell him off... And i'm holding onto false hope that one day even maybe years from now i'll hear from him. and thing's will go back to being good for me and us again. Not that they ever were all that great. I dealt with drama almost everyday we were together gee i wonder why?... ugh. i wrote this on a sleepless night on my sisters couch.. i felt it needed to be said and posted here to get it out there into the universe.

call... phone call... uhm i dunno why but this one cuts off?... 

</3 my heart is shattered and as if i wasn't already broken now i'm by far beyond repair. le fuckin sigh.