Nowhere is safe.

I i i i feel completely violated.                                                                                                                    My Instagram was my safe haven. And they found it too… Bitches they’re everywhere. and now they’re all tag teaming me to fuck up what’s left of my reltationshit. Cause it’s exactly what it’s been lately I was happy, SO HAPPY. But basically it’s just not the case anymore. it never ends, the thoughts and the worry NEVER ENDS. Killing what's left of my happiness in an instant..  we walk down the street (like the main road street as in where cars and people can see...)  he won’t hold my hand. We sit in a shop he’s starting out the windows always looking for someone to hide me from… Then Oh then there’s Facebook and Instagram which he keeps deleting because of said bitches…. They just won’t leave him or us alone. they’re relentless fucking relentless. I’ve been dealing with this for weeks but last night it an all time low. I've never been so lost and confused in all my life.                                                                        but even worse I’ve never wanted to be dead so badly. Or asleep for days weeks, months, years. Anything to get my through the days until things and life get better.  Not that it'll ever "Just get better". If not One but FOUR people kept stalking and messaging you saying they’re dating your boyfriend What would you do….? I can’t guarantee  I'll  use and take your advice Because its hard… I know what you'll say already and it’s just to hard I can’t. I Love him, and i'll always love him... And no not just because he's my first boyfriend/ love... I love him because he does his best not to let me go to bed mad, He does his best and does what he can to keep me happy day to day... And although i know everything that my mind tells me on these late sleepless nights Could be true. I'd like to stay in denial and never believe that what i'm thinking is true until they are in fact proven to me. As they say innocent till proven gulity right? Yeah well let's stick with that until i get the evidence i need to believe these bitches. 

But when is enough, enough? When will I see through the obvious lies and bullshit!? I've been blinded all these months by love. A love that probably never fully loved me back… All maybe he did. I Still have hopes that all these chicks are jealous and from his past and completely full of shit. but that’s false hope, that’s denial. When so many people are saying the same things its hard to stay in that place…. its hard to keep a blind eye to the obvious. oh you’re jealous because I can post pictures of me and my boyfriend on .line when you can’t….? Errr uuuhm Last time I checked HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND. And I’m allowed to post and say whatever I want about him. whenever and if ever I feel like it. you have no say, and no right to be jealous. He is not yours not anymore at least and he ever will be. GET OVER IT. It’s been months years even build a god damn bridge and get the fuck over it. LET HIM BE HAPPY. let me be happy….. I had a great few weeks after months of insanity and dealing with this. I honestly thought it was over, 
but I was Naive and stupid to think so. It’s not over it will never be over. It’s never ending they’ll never go away. They’ll never leave us alone…. there always going to be something Or someone…. and I don’t think I can handle that anymore… I really don’t. And I shouldn't have to. None of this is fair to me at all to think he’s taking away my rights as a girlfriend because of these bitches that mean nothing and don’t matter? Oh cause that’s totally okay…. I’m your fucking girlfriend you can’t deny me the right to post and take photos of us. Or to talk about you online. Or to my friends…. I’d like to say the same for you in return but with me…. You should be able to post photos and talk about me willingly. And without worry or doubt or fear about which bitch will strike next. or God forbid Again. Not that you'd do these things even if you could without all the fear and worry... Oh god What if they’re all right….? What if they’re all telling the truth and I’m sitting here listening and taking all his advice and ignoring what thy have to say so his ass doesn't end up alone. He’s not worried the drama will get worse… he’s worried I’ll find out the truth and leave!?….. or maybe he really does just want the same things as me. the happiness the peace of mind… The love.WHAT IF I'M THE ONE IN THE WRONG!? for thinking of all these horrible things... For fstarting the fights every night.... For not putting all of my faith and trust in him anymore?... Afterall not all the things my mind tells me have to be true... My only worries here are the fact that they could in fact be true... and i'd still be too damn blind to open up my eyes and ears and see and hear... 

I’m so tired of fighting, fighting myself, fighting for us, fighting him, fighting for him…… my mind can’t take it. I’ve become so s weak….. So stupid……. So denied and so alone…. I feel hidden and stupid and crazy and I just don’t know what to think say or do anymore. I know there's love left here. He loves me dearly i uh believe.. As do i for him... Am i young and stupid to believe that things can actually work out for us in the end?... For thinking that i'm the crazy one and that Nothing's wrong... They're just jealous crazy ex's right..... RIGHT!?.... i'm okay to keep thinking this because it's the truth...? Or is it..... see that THAT'S THE PROBLEM i don't know... and never will....