Haven't written it what seems like awhile but i guess things have been good enough to were i haven't had to write so much. I mean sure i have had a few freak outs one of which lasted days and put my boyfriend threw hell but it's all good and done now. Life feels okay again. Which is probably just today talking. ( or well yesterday if you want to get technical) I had a date day :33 It was actually really enjoyable despite wanting to be lazy and despite the heat/ rain. Which i actually enjoyed!? Shocking i know i'm surprised i didn't complain as often as i usually would have. In fact i don't think i complained hardly at all. I was too happy to care about being hot, gross, and in pain. MY LEGS HURT SO BAD. damn you chaffing daaaaaammmmnnnn yyyooooooou.

Anyway i saw a side of Anthony I haven't really gotten ever see. I saw the side of him how he is in the public eye where anyone could see us or see him including the people he dislikes or whatever and believe me we saw a bunch of those hahahaha. He still held my hand and loved me anyway even with people around and that really hit me hard... I've felt kind of hidden lately and being so out in the open with him made me giddy. He also opened doors EVERY SINGLE DOOR. i swooned so hard, i went to open one and he wouldn't let me. It was hella cute. We spent awhile in the music store where i also swooned... swooned very hard. He's so beautiful when he's playing... it's hard to describe but  when he 's playing for me or well playing when i'm with him i swear it feels infinite. I could listen to him play for hours even days and still feel the same without ever getting sick of it or him... Unless i get little to zero attention in that case i'll get pissy and show signs until he takes a second to give me little kisses or move a lil so i can lay my head on his lap while he goes back to playing... Same with video games actually although last week i had gotten pretty annoyed and kind of bored but eh i was happy anyway.
I'm really loving this seeing him every week thing!!! It's making me so happy and it's giving me the energy and want to get up everyday and keep fighting to get my shizz together.. Anywhore yes Anywhore... lol Back to the music shop for a second lemme tell ya I've never wanted 1,999 so badly in all of my life just so i could throw it away and get him that guitar...  I'd need to get him the amp too.. Which is really all he needs... Note to self add that to the list of things you want to buy him but probably never will. And actually it wouldn't be "thrown away" He'd use it everyday for a long long time and if we're both lucky enough he'd finally get a band which would lead to the life we both want someday... But let's face it at this point i'm definitely not Going to save the money and then run out and buy him all the fiiiings i assure you there's no need to worry.Although i much rather buy things for others than myself. I literally can hardly ever let myself buy things... let alone things for myself... I spent three dollars today and i thought i was gonna have a heart attack... well actually i spent like 20 something but that was for food which doesn't really count as much although i will say i hated even that.... i hate that i have  money now and am expected to pay for things like that on my own now D: growing up is depressing man... But it simply has to be done. One cannot simply live off of parents for the rest of their lives. Ok they can but not likely.... Life is good, there's not much to complain about shocking i know. because believe me i love complaining... Hahaha But yeah no complaining at least not nearly as much as i used to... and lemme tell ya this is defo a good thing for myself and my life. Glad to be showing signs of things getting better.