I need to write, I need to write about you.

But once my fingers hit the keyboard nothing comes out and there's nothing i can do.
my head is racing, body buzzing, Exploding on the inside, it's where all my deepest darkest demons seem to hide.
They're busting out of me, They want you to see, See the darkest sides, to see if you'll stick out the ride.
Or will you scream and jump off? Leaving me alone with them again. Hopeless and begging for your love.
Wishing i had the energy to chase after you. But i spent all that was saved up trying to push you away. Pushing you to the limits, getting clingy and cute, suffocating making you loose your breath in the best of ways. I've been acting crazy for days, and it's my fault i know, but all i can do is sit here and scream baby please don't go. Come back, get back on track. Look me in the eyes, Cut me some slack. Fight off the demons, make me believe in you. In Love. In happiness. I keep trying to just tell you how i feel, But all that comes out is i love you i love you i love you.  But that isn't enough to make you love me too.
 Do i love you because i'm lonely? Do i love you because you loved me? i don't know you, And i don't know why. All i know is that my heart longs for you. And that it wants the things it can't seem to ever have. You don't mean the words the way i want you too. I need you in my life, and you're hardly around. I lost myself in the clouds and you keep my feet on the ground. I cling, I sing, i praise, i love. all i wish is for you to return it. Every little bit. But that's too much to ask, too far heavy of a task. I'm foolish to think we'll ever last. You're wishy washy, and far away. and the love so far swings and sways. I want routine. I want realism. To know you love me without a doubt in my mind, To keep myself blind. Blind from the bad, and the thoughts of you loving someone else but me, Getting rid of all pasts, Of all jealousy. Letting go of everything but you and me. Can i handle it? Can i handle you? or is this just another bullshit turn on my rollar coaster of a life? The ride that'll never die...? I don't know but i'm sure as hell going to try... I love you, i do. But do you love me? that is the question. One i don't know if i ever want answered.