I’m truly a lucky person.
Everyday I get to wake up in my own bed safe and warm. I have a supportive family and friends, the list goes on and on. I’ve realized that I don’t take the time to appreciate how “good” I have it. Yeah, I complain a lot but at the end of the day it could be so much worse. I’m truly blessed, and am sorry for those who do have a rough life. 

I have the best parents a teenager could ask for, the best life. But that doesn't make the pain go away. And it doesn't stop the ungratefulness and complaints. things could always ALWAYS be better, but i thank god everyday that they aren't worse. I am a lucky lucky teenager that is finally realizing it's time to grow up and accept life. 

I have supportive parents who have let me slack off all my life because they know it's what i wanted. And that's great and all but i'm starting to wish i had been pushed just a little bit more. Things would be so different now. But i don't think i want different, I'm happy here where i am. I just know changes are coming and that theres not a damn thing i can do about it. I have to grow up, and i need to accept the facts of reality.  

I'M HAPPY, but why am i sitting here crying? I can blame my "period" all i want but that's not it. I feel like i don't have a voice or a choice in my life. But it's my fault for never stepping up for myself and for never trying. But it's also the fault of others who push me down every time i try to stand up. But not anymore. I'll continue to get up until my squeaking mouse voice turns into a tall proud loins roar. I didn't ask to babysit. But my life is so beautiful i know i need to suck it up and just do it. but honestly it's just the thoughts of my grandmother watching aubrie alone that keep me doing this. i don't like playing alone and pretending i'm perfectly okay. But i'm getting better every step of the way. All it takes is waking up day after day. Even if i get up with the thoughts of wishing i hadn't. 

i need to learn to take the bad... with the good that's come back into my life. I lived in darkness for so long, I've forgotten how to handle the light. and what comes with the light. Things come out in the light, where in the dark i can hide and avoid. time for acceptance time for action. Driving first, job or school second. yep.