I got the means i needed to leave, But i can't. Love is a funny thing isn't it? The fact that you want to hate someone with every fiber of your being but yet you can't and don't. Instead you love them with every thing that's left of you. And believe me there aint much left at all. You were already full of doubt and distrust even before he walked no RAN into your life. You were full of insecurities you felt like no one could ever love you and then someone did.
Everything went up and down hill from there.
But the goods stopped outweighing the bad.
the hurts started taking over. He's here down on his knees begging for you. It's what you've always wanted. But is it to little to late. Is all he has to offer right now going to keep you satisfied until he has the means to do better... Or will the past just re cycle and continue to repeat itself.
It can go so many ways, and i know it won't go any of the ways i plan it to. He's standing before me because she won't let him stand in front of her. He's here, because she's not. I wasn't crazy. He lied and cheated and was a despicable human being who deserves nothing more than to live a long life alone. But i want him... and i can have him still... if i want.... But i no longer know what the fuck i want. Honestly doubt i ever will. I spent weeks waiting for him and wishing he'd be back before my birthday. Well it happened. i got what i wanted afterall. But it wasn't wanted like this. NOT AT ALL.
as if i wasn't already a confused second choice. i know what you're all thinking. Even i think it. But you don't understand. You never will. Nobody ever will. Even i won't.
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