Giving The big GOD another shot. Not because i've become closer friends with a christian and her family. But because i need to have faith in something. In something besides Anthony, Besides life and myself. And well why not give this another shot. I mean sure i'll still enjoy my music, and my way of living. But it wouldn't hurt to have a little faith. Even if it may be in something that may or may not exist. It's worth looking into once more.

I used to feel so much better going to church once a week, Not only because i was around teenagers and felt welcomed. But because i was able to get something out of each lesson each week. Weather i took it the way i was supposed to or not it helped. I had more faith that everything was happening for a reason. And that my relationship wasn't as important as i made it. And honestly i miss that. I liked that side of me and i'd like to see her again. Who knows maybe i'll even become a total bible thumper but i'm not going to care. I am who i am and i always will be. I can be a hard core cussing covered in tattoos concert going christian. Yes they do exist. And no they aren't wrong. They may get judged differently by not only god but christians but we'll get to that when it happens. I'm already judged for how i look and what i listen to so why the fuck not.
I'm not going to walk around like i'm perfect or better than you. And i'm not going to shove it down your throat. Because that's not me. Sure you're supposed to be like that in a sense.... But i refuse. and if i do it wrong i don't care oh well. Can't hurt for trying. Can't hurt to add a little of it into my life. I'm sure once i get deeper into it. If i decide to. i'll change my views and whatever. But for now hear me out. I'm just a girl looking to survive the hell she's in. and if talking to myself or talking to god helps. So be it.

Also i've always had thoughts of this in the back of my head. it's not some random realization i've made. or something that's going to last.(knowing me it won't sadly) But again i'm only trying. Just trying to get by. If this helps it helps.  I may stick too it. If it doesn't Least I can say I tried.  Goodnight.