I’m Happy, really I am…. but deep down inside my bones there’s still emptiness and sorrow.
And I’m crying my eyes out. Tonight has been amazing…. (Past tense... Tonight actually sucks ballz, i think i'm dying. don't be mistake for "dyeing" which happened last night before this was written) why am I still so dissatisfied with life? It’s not my fault he didn't choose me, nor is it my fault he wants me in his life still… it’s all beyond my control. I can’t make him love me, I can’t make him see. That I’m the one who’s meant to be. The only thing I can do now is suck it up and watch him be happy with someone else. Or block and push him away in the deepest darkest corners of my mind where he’ll be forced to stay. Forever nothing more to me than faded memories. another life, another dream i'll never see again. when will my life start over? when does the happiness   begin? I can't take this, i can't live with no bliss.... because of you i am like this. because of you, i have to start anew. which seems nearly impossible with my heart this black&blue.