I have it, And i know i do... But i hadn't noticed i was mentioning it to people... Until my mom snapped at me about it today. In return my dad then joked about it later on. Ha fudge. I'm not saying it's bad, or unmanageable. Hence why i don't care to get it fully diagnosed. That comes with medication and doctors. Both of which i fear and highly dislike.
It's not always psychical and it's not always noticeable. If i hadn't of said anything no one would ever know all that much about it. It's a disorder caused by anxiety which is very clear that i also have. Leaving the house or even my room is hard for me most day's and hardly anyone will understand it or me. Hell even i don't fully understand myself, my problems or my so called mental issues.
They don't define me. However they do make my life more difficult. Obsessions are involuntary, seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again in your mind. You don’t want to have these ideas but you can’t stop them. Unfortunately, these obsessive thoughts are often disturbing and distracting.
Compulsions are behaviors or rituals that you feel driven to act out again and again. Usually, compulsions are performed in an attempt to make obsessions go away.For example, I hate spending my money, If i give in and by something i think about it for days. I'll sit there in the store, thinking of reasons i want or need said thing... But then i think of what other things i'll need the money for in the future. Most silly dumb things, but it usually stops me. And if it doesn't i hate myself for a long while. I bought myself a CD bundle for one of my favorite bands... And even after it had arrived i had regretted it. Because i knew another band would come along with a better cheaper bundle that i'd want and enjoy more. This ended up happening exactly. But i bought the second bands bundle as well. This time with less hesitation surprisingly. Although it still pained me to let myself have what i wanted and very well could afford.... I still even now sit here thinking how dumb it was. I have over $600 saved and left. i shouldn't care about what I've spent on something i'll enjoy.
It's mental for me mostly as stated, but i also have certain other aspects of this that i don't care to get into or explain right now. But might do so in the future. When i say i have OCD i don't mean i want you to understand or pitty me. I'm just trying to work on it myself by getting more into it and other problems i have. it's an obsession because it keeps me from focusing on the simplest of things. Sometimes i can't even type or speak because i'm too far gone in my head. Now this used to come from something i shall not explain because it's gone and i'm a lot better. so there's honestly no need to do so... But my ocd was over a person as well. Because i'd do nothing but think of them. or want to talk to them. Now that they're out of my life, Or so it seems. I'm hoping i'll get that part of my problem to go away. So i can be brought out of my head and back into reality.
I could have made this far more educational. I could have said more about myself as well. But for now, i'm tired and happy with what I've said. That and i highly doubt anyone will ever read this anyway so what's the point of going on, Or trying to make myself sound intelligent? When no ones around to notice? Ha and they say i'm not smart..... I can be, when i choose to be. Lately I'm a depressed and lonely as fuck teenager that wants nothing more than her life back. Seeing how that's not an option, At least not an easy one. I choose to sleep all day, and stay up all night. If i'm lonely and alone, Might as well blame it on everyone else being asleep.
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