When depressed sleeping and or good dreams are a big part of life. They're something to keep you going, Something to keep you happy. But lately it's just a bunch of crap. I wake up exhausted and un happy. My dreams lately were finally becoming happy again. Which in return was making me well pretty damn happy. And then they turned tragic with weird plot twist endings. Such as finally finding my first starFish on the beach with friends and family only too soon see my dog die tragically by what seemed to be a shark? Or something. Why was my dog even with us at the beach? Where did he even come from!? Where'd the food truck go? i never got my order. The sun went away and the skies turned grey. Then BAM wake up flustered and filled with anxiety for no reason really.
But i guess thoughts of loosing something else at this point in my life is just scary as hell. I've lost enough lately i can't bare anything else damn it. Not even if my dogs annoying or loves my dad more than me.... Still can't loose him or face anymore changes in my life.
Another dream i had was i finally heard from Anthony again.... Only to be teased and told he was only here for a moment for he had to leave again suddenly. Which my luck will probably happen eventually months from now >.< Because let's face it, i'm totally going to let him walk right back into my life wether it's what should happen or not. I can't help but still want him in my life. He made a great impact and he needs to come back and fill my voids so i can be whole again. Or at least help me try to fix myself. Anyway that's totally off point and i should've written this yesterday/ sooner so i could remember the dreams and write them out... But of course now all i can remember is waking up with my heart racing and with horrible anxiety. I usually rolled over and went back to sleep just for it to happen over and over and over again until i finally pull myself awake and out of bed. But today i couldn't fall back asleep. And welp here i am writing fully awake at 7 Am. Ugh yuck!....
On another note my phone is having problems and i'm extremely frustrated and freaking out. Because afterall freaking out is what i do best lately. Anyway it's refusing to charge. Or upload photos and is also running out of storage space. I've deleted so much already that it pains me to even think about deleting anything else if problems consist. For once though i've spoken up to my parents about this and told them i needed it to be looked at and fixed and they seem to be applying. Or at least somewhat willing to help me get it fixed. Afterall it's not my fault or something i did. It's a interface import problem which is apparently common in samsung S3's. I LOVE MY PHONE. ok. and I'm addicted to it and rely on it.... I can't deal. I need it lately more so than ever. Texting people is what's keeping me happyish and as sane as can be lately. And i'm awaiting a text i probably won't get from a guy i'm crushing on haha. Or my luck i'll be called for once and won't be able to answer >.< Ugh i'm just so over everything. Honestly falling asleep and never waking up sounds better and better every minute. Too bad that would make me dead. And would hurt so many people in return for my selfishness. I'd be dead by now if i wasn't so caring for others. They're what keeps me alive and they don't even know it. Or try.
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