My Paranoia makes it easy for me to over react to things sometimes, Okay most times, Okay Okay ALL THE TIME...
But that doesn't mean i should keep letting it all get to me so easily. There's no reasoning behind this whole we have nothing to talk about thing, and he's not going to leave you because of it. He's also not going to leave you for her, You've got to stop thinking that or he will stop being so understanding.
You've got to realize that you've pushed if enough,and that he's not going anywhere it's time you've stopped testing him. Pushing him too hard will just lead to the downfall of it all.
Everything you've worked for all the trust you thought you had, all the love, all the well everything could come crashing down with one little nudge gone to far.
You went to far by saying his Facebook was back so that he could start talking to ex's again. But he was also out of line to keep ignoring the fact that he was driving me crazy by not giving me answers. Answers which could've prevented this whole damn situation this whole almost loosing him scare. What was i to do but over think this, i can't help but think he still misses her more than he could ever love me. But then again that's just more of the paranoia talking. God life would be so much easier without that part of my brain constantly nagging me about things that don't matter. And things that'll never happen. But then again what if all of this is true? I just don't know what to think or what to do anyfucking more. And it's times like these when i miss my aunt the most... Which is stupid but i honestly just wish she was here to tell me what the hell i'm doing wrong and how to get my relationship back to the way it used to be. That's all i wanted damn it.
Maybe we moved to fast too soon and now we're just stuck? I can't hold on to this forever.... And honestly if things don't start to change again i might just have to make the hardest decision of my life and leave it all behind. Actually after sitting here thinking about it..... THERE IS NO PROBLEM... nothings really wrong here i've just gotten attached REALLY ATTACHED. and that scares the daylights out of me. Therefore i keep creating problems out of nothing so that i can be the one to leave this time. Everyone always leaves. And i can't help but think that he'll leave too. So here i am pushing him too far away, bringing up things that don;t matter and starting fights out of pretty much nothing at all. WHY WHY WHY self fuckin why...? You've got a damn good thing going here, don't go off ruining it K. Now that that's all settled and done. I'll be here over thinking about over thinking which leads to more over thinking which leads to my demise. Good god i need a hobby, Or something to keep my mind off of things.. To keep my mind off of him. And most of all to keep my mind off of them (the stupid outsiders that don't mean shit to him geeeeze why are they bugging you anyway? it's obvious he loves you and only you so why the hell can't you just let it be and not give a damn about the people he talks to? he has well had ex's for friends? so what big deal get over it. It's not like he's cheating he doesn't seem like that kind of guy AND YOU KNOW THAT. So stop JUST STOP.. ugh i'm gonna leave it at that before i go on and on about nothing)
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