Cross Road...

I'm at a cross road right now. Where's my crossroads demon..? Cause i could kind of use one right about now.. Although i'd then only have years left to live and seeing how i'm young that would be kind of sucky.

I'm stuck and i've been stuck for quiet a while now, when's enough enough? When do i give in and start living again. Saying that things are going to change is starting to get old... really really old. I've been saying this for almost a year now and still not a damn thing in my life has changed. Okay things have obviously changed, But not in the way they should have. On my sixteenth birthday i made a vow to start driving again, I also made a vow to get my shit and life together to go back to school.. Neither of these things have happened and i'm starting to think that if i don't step up and start saying instead of doing they never will. I'll be stuck here lifeless and dead for the rest of my life. And well that, That's no bueno.

The time is now to step up and take charge of my life. Slowly but surely this shall start to happen. It has to... i can't take much more of this. Not many teenagers could say they do nothing but stay in bed all day.. And that's not the teenager i want to be, Not anymore not ever again.. I've got to grow the fuck up grab life by the balls and say Ya know what? I'm gonna be happy again damn it. And i'm gonna get somewhere in life.. If not with photography then at least somewhere someday.. So that i can say i at least tried... Even if i fail at least i could look back and say i tried.... instead of looking back and realizing that most of my teenage years had been wasted by sitting in my room alone all the time...

Also while i'm here let me take a moment to, Yeah never mind that's another rant for another day...

Now to finish packing for a beach trip i honestly don't want to fucking take.. I'M SICK OF THE BEACH OKAY.... and this was supposed to be my weekend NOT YOURS.... ugh.. I'm so over everything lately.. and i really shouldn't let myself complain but fuck man i'm just not happy... and i honestly don't know how to get my happiness back... The one person i thought could pull me out of this just keeps adding to everything and making it all worse. WHY MUST LIFE BE SO COMPLICATED!!?..... also another rant for well not now.... Now now we sleep. Hahaha Yeah because i can totally sleep. ~eye roll~ Yeah sleep probably won't happen tonight... probably not tomorrow night either... But oh well.