Having one of those nights where i can't sleep, One of those nights where i don't even get tired until 12 in the afternoon the next day... Yeah i haven't had one of these in awhile and i'm actually kinda sad about it. I wanna be asleep. I like my sleep, or rather lately sleep likes me. For now at least. I'm letting my mind race freely and that's not the best idea i've ever had.
It's driving me insane. I can't even sift through the things i'm thinking right now. Ergh so frustrating. And to make things worse i'm 99% sure there's a shadow figure staring me down right about now but i'm sure as hell not going looking for him. Afterall he could be anywhere if he's even really there this time.
I haven't had any nightmares the past few day's and i'm currently thanking my lucky stars for that because i really needed some decent sleep. It was about damn time i got some of it. For awhile there i was letting the nightmares control me. They were driving me to the brink of insanity and i'm glad it's over.... ~gulps!~ i hope it's actually over.
Things have been going really well the past week regardless of a few ups and downs. I've been the happiest i've been in awhile.... Although not happy enough just yet... I've still got a lot of work to do before i get to where i want to be. I'm starting to wonder if i'll ever get to that point. If i'll ever get to where i want to be.
I'm sure i will. but surely it won't be easy... And i'm just gonna have to deal with the fact that i'm gonna still have bad days and bad moments afterall nobody can be happy all the time. Not truly anyway. But as always i fear this won't last.... This happiness and this progress won't stick... will it. I feel as if i'll be back to bitching withen the next few days tops and that scares me.. Like everything else seems to lately. Fear is such a shitty emotion. Actually most emotions are in fact shitty. I miss being heartless. I miss so much of the past. So many things from the past.... But i'm pretty sure the thing i miss the most in fact is how emotionless i was the past few months leading up to when i met.... Well my love. I miss people and things and orlando and October... And of course here i am again back to me being "stuck" Stuck in the past obviously. I swear all i ever talk about is the same things over and fucking over again now a days. Boyfriend this Stuck that Blah Blah Blah... Somtimes i wonder why i even write anymore... i mean it's all the same afterall so why bother... i've written three posts tonight... and they're almost all the same too... And yet my minds still racing and still thinking AND I STILL CAN'T SLEEP. geeze maybe i really am nuts.
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